About

Hi my name is Azar and I'm a Baby Boomer.  That revelation doesn't exactly roll off my brain with ease….but I'm getting use to it.  You see,  about 3 weeks ago, my past and my present were on  a run away freight train  that sort of collided as I began to realize that I was 60 years old and literally had nothing to show for my life on this earth except a whole lot of  bad choices.  The freight I was carrying were  the thoughts of  the sum total of  living.  Sitting in front of my computer that day, I had to come to terms with  how  I had allowed all of the years of  stinking negative messages about myself,  negative situations and circumstances  control a major portion of my of my life  and had delivered me to this point.

After I finished playing back the mind movie of my life, there was  a decision to be made..do I continue feeling sorry for myself ,  dwelling on my past mistakes or do I embrace the fact that my past is what it is, that I am a 60 year old baby boomer(only by the grace of God) and take the steps needed to turn my life around and  begin making some  changes.  I began to think about what I had going for me at this point.  First of all, I was strong , healthy, and in my right mind (most days..smile).   I have a love for people  a passion others to be the best that they can be, no matter where they are in life.  I really love network marketing and all it's concepts and being creative.  I more often than not  look at the glass being half full instead of half empty and  when life throw's me a lemon, I  usually  look for the closest corner to set up a lemon-aide stand.   But most of all, what I have going for me is my love of Jesus Christ, who died to save me from myself….and I have hope!

So, instead of looking at my past and what I hadn't done, I would rather believe  by faith that I'm still living for a reason.  God is not done with me yet and with His help and guidance, I can  make the best of the rest of my life…if I choose to. Yes my  life has been somewhat  in the toilet  for the past 30 something years but, it's time for me to get off the pot…(I don't mean that kind of pot… smile)

I'm dumping the freight that I was carrying, getting on another train (of thought) and begin controlling my thoughts so they  travel in another direction. Change is not easy, but I know that it is possible if I don't give up.    My prayer is that  "between the dash",  I will have made a positive contribution in the lives of my family and friends and those I meet along the way…then my life will not have been in vain.

Oh Crap, I'm A Baby Boomer is a blog for me, but it is also for other boomers who know exactly  where I'm coming from.  Those who have been wearing  the same old shoes, (one size fits all)  walking around the same old mountain, carrying the same old baggage, telling themselves the same self defeating messages  for far too many years.   Now you may have given up living your life and you're  just existing because you think that at this stage,  "what's the point?"  but I also know you feel in the depth of your soul that where you are in life right now, today, is not where God  intended you to be. You know that your life was meant to be more, have  meaning and purpose.  You know it is time to start walking in a new pair of shoes to catch a new train ( of thought) to a brand new destination….  that place called "Successful Living"!   So, get off the pot and do something new……All aboard!

To Your Abundant Life!

Azar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, my name is Azar and if you have been coming to this blog looking for new, exciting and thought provoking content, I want to take this time to apologize. As you can see from my last blog post, it has almost been a year since I last have written anything and believe me, I have some good reasons.

 I had become fat and was  sick of myself and I just could not seem to bring myself to write about loosing weight and being healthy when I was obese and my own health was not the best.  I guess I was a little depressed.

While in the mist of wallowing in my pig pen, I made a drastic life changing decision and relocated from Texas  to Maryland.  I made the move in September of last year.

Once I got here, there were transitional changes that I  mentally, emotionally nor financially never in my life  expected.  It took me a while to wrap my mind around the fact that I had actually left my home, job, church and my friends.   I now lived with  my awesome son, Anthony and his daughter's, Deja and Janay.  However, I could not work, I had to find a new church and new friends.  Mind you, I had lived in the small but beautiful town of Nacogdoches since 2001.  All of these changes had me in shock. Although I was so happy to be here, but this transition was a hard one for me

By October, I thought I was finding some what of a comfort zone and  was finally able to go online and pick up where I left off.   I really tried to be productive, but I had a thousand and one things demanding my minds attention…I ended up having "brain freeze."  I just could not focus because I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down.  I was easily distracted… I procrastinated and ended up not getting anything done….I wanted to run away to "Never Never Land", revert to being a kid again….forever.  It seemed that I had left God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit in Texas.  There was a crack in my armour and the enemy was setting up his plan to strategically destroy me.

I began to be tormented by a whole slew of negative thoughts that I had succumbed to.  I was being assailed day and night by these thoughts so much to the point that  sometimes I couldn't even sleep.  I had allowed strife, anger, fear, confusion, chaos, disillusionment and unforgiveness to rent space in my head so much to the point that they never left me alone. 

I would rehearse negative conversations over and over and over, even after I had cast them down and vowed to God that I would never think on "those things"  ever again. I started having some serious relationship issues and I began to feel hopeless. No matter what did, things were getting worse.  I'm sure the enemy was rejoicing over the  foothold that he was gaining in my life.  I started getting discouraged with life  and my faith was failing.….

I could not for the life of me could find any comfort.  No matter how hard I prayed and tried to free myself, I continued to be bombarded.  My stinkin thinkin seemed to suck me down deeper and deeper.  I kept thinking, "things have to get better," but they got progressively worse.

Thanksgiving came, and before I knew it, Christmas was approaching and my Christmas spirit was hidden between resentment and bitterness.  I could not praise or pray. I knew what to do, but just could not bring myself to do it on a consistent basis.

Then, I experienced the worst thing that could ever happen, or so I thought at that time…I lost my means of escape which was INTERNET ACCESS!!!.  My link to my friends and family  was gone.  Not to mention, I had just become a distributor for the Xyngular Corporation.  My friend Agnes Saam had gotten me involved and had given me so much wonderful support, now I was having to let her down…I was sick at heart because of that, but I was powerless to do anything about it.    With nothing to do but watch TV all day, (you know what they say about an idle mind) I became even more bitter. I was truly depressed. In hindsight, as I look back, this adversity was really an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to speak to my soul, and begin the pruning  process. You see, God will take everything away from you that you think is important,  ,just  to give you more than you ever could dream possible or deserve.

When I had gained all of that weight, I had become physically sick of myself, now I was spiritually sick and I needed help because I was loosing my faith fast and my joy had becom non-existent.  God knew my thoughts before a single one ever materialized in my mind and I knew He had promised in His word that absolutely nothing would ever separate me from his love, even my present circumstances, but I could not feel His the presence of  God or his love in my life. But I knew through my my walk with Jesus, feelings were decieving.  Just because I did not feel His presence, did not mean He was not near me.  I still felt that  I was in the valley of the shadow of death, headed towards  the path of  my previous self destructive behavior.  I knew that I had to be still and find refuge under His wing because that was my ultimate place of protection from the onslaught of the enemies tatics.  In the words of my friend Aloma Marquis, I was under His armpit!  I had been leaning on my own understanding  too long and now I was miserable.   Then, God's Holy Spirit showed up and changed my spiritual direction.

 I began to go to the library.  I would read every book that I could find on  spiritual warfare, grace, and forgiveness.  I began to read my bible again on a daily basis and I earnestly prayed the word.   I watched Christian television,  listened to gospel music and began to once again find my joy in worship.

I watched Joyce Meyer, Joseph Prince and TD Jakes when I was not reading.  As their words began to be resonate in my spirit, I slowly started to get my peace back and then my joy was restored. My circumstances did not change, but I changed the way that I looked at them.  My bad thoughts began to disappear as my mind was being renewed, and I began to operate in love instead of all that other negative crap!

When I came to  my senses and began to humble myself before God, I saw, with such clarity, what Jesus did on the cross for me. How could I have been so selfish and self-centered.  I had to confess my sin and tell Him how sorry I was because, inspite of my current situation, I had so much to be grateful for.

I began to look at all of the wonderful things that God had blessed me with, even though I had made some very bad  choices for a great part of my life. I had hurt  the one's that loved me the most, to the core of their souls.   Yet, after 20 years plus of crack addiction, I was still here.  God had redeemed the time for me. I still had an opportunity to accomplish the purpose for my life. I  had my health and strength and was in my right mind.  I had friends and family who loved me so much and they had never stopped  praying for me.  I realized that I had been granted so much favor.

I have been blessed with 3 wonderful children and 4 beautiful granddaughters whom I love very much…the vision and purpose for my life was rekindled. Jesus performed miracle after miracle for those who were broken by the issues of life and if He did it for them, I knew He would do it for me….And He did!!

Check this out!  After Jesus carried me through this trial,  He granted a miracle in my life and blessed me beyond measure. I still can't believe the magnitude of God's grace, mercy and His jaw dropping love.

 I had not seen nor spoken with my beautiful  daughter , DeAsia for over eight years because of my addiction. Three weeks ago, through the persistence of my sister Michelle, we were reunited!!! Can you believe that?  One day, I did not know if there would ever be any hope of being reunited with her and the next day, I crying and  talking to her on the phone!!!

His ways are so far above our ways and His thoughts are unimaginable.  She held no grudges, or bitterness nor resentment. She said "Mom, I just want to love you and live!!" We both are just ecstatic and so very thankful for the opportunity God has granted us to love one another again!!!!

Even in our faithlessness, God remains faithful....no matter what!  His grace and mercy cannot be comprehended. He has truly given me beauty for ashes…again!

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart, all of the precious women and men who have stood with me during this time of challenge and trial with their prayers and words of encouragement.

You empowered me to stay the course and never forget where Jesus had bought me from.  You helped me to never forget;. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose". Romans:8:28

There are so many I would like to thank individually, but I don't want to slight anyone…but you all know who you are and may God's love grace and favor pursue you all the days of your lives!

Finally, I want to thank my former Pastor of Nacogdoches Bible Fellowship, Norman Keith Ellison.  I have seen the unfailing love that Jesus has for His children through you so many, many times Pastor.   I walked in guilt, shame, despair and self-hatred for so many years, but you and Nac Bible, never gave up on me…never.   You showed  me such unconditional love, and I was able to finally  believe, trust in and  stand on this precious promise;

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Below are scriptures that helped me while going through  and I pray that they will help you as well if you ever find yourself in the pig pen..The Word Of God Changes Things!

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"  Ephesians 6:20

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." 1st Peter 4:12

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
so that we may grow in wisdom.

O LORD, come back to us (me)!
How long will you delay?
Take pity on your servants (servant)!"  Psalm 90:12-13

"O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help."  Psalm 86:5

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."  Matthew 7:7-8

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

"Now, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."  Romans 8: 35-37